I realised that being named Oldham Villa’s “most improved player” in the 2021/22 season was not going to carry much weight in this challenge when a fellow attendee named Mo Salah as the best player he had played against. This was the moment when I realised that we were going to be competing against each other.
It was in the same year that I made my return to the Sunday League that the player in question had played for a younger Aston Villa team that was competing against Liverpool in the FA Cup.
However, we both found ourselves participating in what gave the impression of being a football version of Netflix’s “Squid Game,” with a significantly lower level of violence but a significant advantage in terms of competition.
I took part in a brutal trial for the ‘Baller League’, a new six-a-side competition that has some of the most prominent names in world football and social media involved. The trial took place on a Saturday in Manchester, which was a baltic day.
Following its tremendous success in Germany, where it received three million views on online broadcasts, the competition is now aiming to make a significant impact in the United Kingdom. Luis Figo, John Terry, and Ian Wright are among the twelve managers and coaches who are participating in the competition.
In order to compete against the Arsenal “Invincibles,” Gary Lineker, Micah Richards, and Alan Shearer have come together to form a three-man coaching team. They will be facing off against Jens Lehmann, Robert Pires, and Freddie Ljungberg.
Additionally, KSI, fellow Sidemen members Tobi Brown (TBJZL) and Simon Minter (Miniminter), as well as UK rap legend Dave and Angry Ginge, are participating in the league. Additionally, the league will feature 12 teams competing against one another in games lasting thirty minutes on Monday nights at the Copper Box Arena in London, which has a capacity of five thousand people.
Who exactly will be participating in the Baller League, though? Tens of thousands of football players, including former Premier League players, former Real Madrid, Manchester City, Liverpool, and Chelsea academy prospects, and England futsal internationals, submitted their applications on the Baller League website. On this website, they were able to upload video of themselves showing off their skills and a link to their Transfermarkt profile, if they were fortunate enough to have one.
Despite the fact that I was able to gain access to one of the three trial events that were held as a kind of wildcard entry, I would like to confirm that this right-back in the changing rooms does not.
In the upcoming NFL-style draft, there will be a total of 200 spots available, and those who travel from near and far are all competing for one of those spots and the opportunity to earn £400 per game.
I arrived at approximately 2:30 p.m., wearing my muddy Adidas Copa Gloros, and provided details upon entry. Each player was given their own Baller League shirt for the day, which was numbered and closely fitted to their body.
It was a happy coincidence that I found myself wearing the No. 80 shirt that Ronaldinho, the winner of the Ballon d’Or in 2005 and the ultimate trickster, wore for AC Milan.
The director of football, Lasse Lehmann, who is the son of Jens, a former custodian for Arsenal, gave a talk and introduced himself to the players. Following that, we began with some light warm-ups, and then we were divided into groups to go through four challenging stations.
A passing drill with panels that lit up and a machine that fired balls out for shooting were two additional challenges that were included in other trials; however, due to the weather, these exercises that were similar to those in Wayne Rooney’s Street Striker were not included.
Point of origin
A speed dribbling challenge was the first activity that my group participated in. In this challenge, you were given two chances to run around poles as quickly as you could while holding the ball in your hands.
The time that each player took was measured by a specialised piece of technology, and mine was found to be fourteen seconds. When I was compared to some of the other speed demons who turned with such precision, I had the impression that I was running through treacle.
Having said that, I did feel a sense of pride in the fact that I did not experience any significant mishaps or falls, which is something that must be considered a success.
No. two station
A 6v6 game that was played at a frighteningly frenetic pace for approximately twenty minutes was played at the second station, where the intensity increased significantly. This game was played straight into the second station.
As a means of avoiding being completely exposed as a fraudulent member, I made the decision to sit in the back and made an effort to keep things as simple and uncomplicated as possible.
On the other hand, the fact that offsides were taken into account meant that I couldn’t just relax and take it easy; I had to make the pitch more compact.
Despite this, I was frequently the player with the deepest position, and I saw a great deal more of the ball than I had anticipated. The director of football, Lasse, told me that I was “very loyal to right back,” which was a perfect way to summarise my experience.
Because I wanted to give the impression that I was some kind of experienced leader, I made a concerted effort to be a good talker. I used phrases such as “let’s get the shape” and “start again” to accomplish this.
However, you still need to do the talking with your feet, and I started off in a steady manner with some tidy touches and some big old tackles. Two of these tackles led to goals scored by my teammates who were technically superior.
Despite the fact that I had the intention of playing it safe and going for the simple pass, I did at least demonstrate some playmaking prowess by delivering a magnificent defense-splitting ball that I have watched on repeat approximately fifty times.
Eventually, the opposition came to the conclusion that I was the weak link, and as a result, the number of f-bombs that were thrown at me increased gradually but steadily. I was repeated by the same player in rapid succession.
The humbling standard made me realise that I would not be quite cut out for weekly 30-minute games in the Baller League, which has received funding worth £19 million from an investment group that includes Mason Mount, Diogo Dalot, and Diogo Jota. Although it wasn’t a complete disasterclass, it did make me realise that I wouldn’t actually be able to play in the Baller League.
The third station
After that, we proceeded to the penultimate station, which was managed by the individuals from Top Baller. These individuals are responsible for organising one-on-one tournaments all over the world, where players showcase their filthy skills in front of a crowd that is full of energy.
Despite the fact that I remember being a huge fan of Soccer AM’s “Skill Skool” back in the day, I found that this particular activity was not quite suited to my capabilities.
During the game, there was a constant rotation of attackers and defenders, and a goalkeeper was employed. In the beginning, I pretended to be an attacker, but then I became panicked and shot the keeper with my first shot, which went straight down his throat.
Defending, which consisted of attempting to slow down the opponent and getting a touch on the ball in any way that I could, was where I felt the most comfortable. On the other hand, there were some players who were so quick and had footwork that a Brazilian could only dream of, that it was unavoidable that I would get rinsed on occasion.
In spite of the fact that I was subjected to a number of pastes here and there, I was fortunate enough to avoid the most humiliating form of humiliation, which was a nutmeg.
I did produce stepovers that were so large and slow that I probably ought to apologise to Cristiano Ronaldo, but I also conjured up an absolutely outrageous dribble and finish that I’m still not sure I can explain. All of these things happened while I was in possession of the ball.
Place number four
In the end, but certainly not least, there was a game called “King of the Court” that you would anticipate seeing on FIFA Street.
As a result of the number of players in my group, the game ended up being a four-on-four match instead of the three-on-three match that was originally planned.
The game was won by the team that scored the first two goals, making them the winners. However, despite the fact that I did have one single nice bit of skill, I found that the session was very forgettable for me.
The fact that I was mentally and physically exhausted was reflected in my sloppy performance, which resulted in one of the coaches reprimanding me for not tracking my man and for “standing on the f***ing sidelines.”
Despite the fact that there were tens of thousands of players who applied, I only had a remote chance of being selected in the draft. However, I believe that the fourth station confirmed my fate.
The following day, during the second trial that took place in Manchester, two players were so impressive that they were immediately signed. They will be assigned to one of the twelve teams that will be selected in the draft, which will take place on March 10 and which will involve the selection of 144 players.
Everyone went home and anxiously waited to hear whether or not they had made the cut after taking a picture with all of the players who participated. My personal highlight was eating some Wingstop, which everyone else did after the picture was taken.
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